Red Face Syndrome Awareness

Hello. I am here to talk to you about something very serious today folks.

As you may know, I already suffer from Chronic Bitch Face. But this is not my only ailment. I also suffer from Red Face Syndrome as well on a daily basis. I don't know why I have so many facial diseases. My mom must've eaten some weird stuff when I was still a fetus. Or maybe it was because of that time I ate all that cow manure as a child...In any case, scientists are working very hard to figure it out. (They're not.)

Red Face Syndrome, if you haven't heard of it, is the unusual characteristic of getting a really, really red face every time you exert yourself beyond a brisk walk. It can be embarrassing and degrading, especially when people ask you if you are ok and if you need to sit down. This has been one of the sole reasons I do not participate in sports. It has nothing to do with the fact that I have no coordination and am very bad at sports. Definitely not.

The only benefit I have ever reaped from Red Face Syndrome is the fact that gym teachers often take pity on me and believe I am working really hard in their class (which I am) and give me an A. Of course, gym teachers give everyone As even when they promise not to. Yes, even those lazy-ass kids who didn't even bother to change into gym clothes and are walking the mile while you struggle along on the verge of peeing yourself are probably getting As too. Those bitches.

If you have never seen an example of Red Face Syndrome in action, here is an illustration I have kindly given permission for myself to use. It details me in the different stages of Red Face Syndrome, before, during, and after a workout. (click to view large...and then you should probably zoom in a little more...if you still can't read it, well, you probably get the point anyways...or you can look at a larger view of it if you click here)

The length at which Red Face Syndrome persists after a workout usually depends on how hard the workout actually was. I have experienced RFS for up to 5 hours after a workout before. Sometimes my face does not return to its normal pasty coloring until another workout on the next day.

People with pale skin are very susceptible to this disease. Yes, it is a disease. This is a totally true fact. Look it up. (And by look it up, I mean google it until you return to this blog, which will state that it is a totally true fact). If you are like me and have what I deem ultra-Twilight-Vampire-skin (I don't just sparkle in the sunlight--I blind you!) then not only do you have to watch out for skin cancer or whatever, but beware RFS! It will sneak up on you, and you might not even realize you are experiencing until you look in the mirror or someone points it out much to your embarrassment. Which will make your face become even more red. It's a dangerous, slippery slope.

Folks, I am writing this to raise awareness of RFS. If you see someone suffering from it, please just try to ignore it. Unless they are on the ground and might look like they are having a heart attack or a heat stroke. In which case you should ask them whether or not they are aware what RFS is and if they have it. If they are able to speak and can assure you that they know what it is, they are probably ok. If they wheeze out a gasping cough, you should probably call an ambulance.

I also encourage that if you or a loved one suffers from RFS that you print out these banners into stickers and put them on your bumper or your water bottle to let other people know that RFS is not just a disease. It is who you are, nothing is going to change that. You are proud of who you are, RFS or no RFS! Similarly, I also have one that is sized perfectly for your blog or website.

C'mon folks, we are all in this together! Let's raise awareness for those with RFS so their voices can be heard and then ignored!

One day, I dream of living in a world where RFS does not exist. You have heard about my journey and struggle with RFS, and I am not the only one. Please consider writing your congressmen or maybe just that guy at 7-11 (because they will both care about the same amount) about beginning a campaign to end RFS. We're talking fundraising, fun runs, the whole nine yards. The first step though is these banners, so I better start seeing them all over the internet. You got that?