Thursday, February 9, 2012

A Little Thing Called Improvement

Today was like any other day. I woke up 10 minutes before my 8:30 alarm and knew from the fact that I still had one foot over in dreamland (aka I was still having a conversation with Will Smith about using possums as the new wii-mote...and no, that isn't an exaggeration) that 10 minutes wasn't going to be enough. I quietly pulled my alarm clock under the covers with me and held it under my body so the minute it went off I could shut off it's muffled sounds as soon as they began. Oh the pointless things I do to try and not wake my roommate. She probably wouldn't wake up anyways. Although to be honest I don't like hearing that incessant beeping either. It reminds me of every 6 am wake up I ever had in high school. I can actually feel the sleep deprivation from the past making me more tired in the present when I hear it.
20 minutes and 2 snooze buttons later my escapades with possums are over (by the way, we should never make possums the new wii-mote...millions of people will buy possums and neglect them after 4 weeks--just like their Wiis-- and then we will have many malnourished and abused possums running rampant. Angry, uncared for possums are a dangerous and foreboding future). I got out of bed and made sure I spent 20 minutes checking every version of social media I currently use JUST IN CASE someone messaged me or liked something I posted. I have to know as soon as possible to in order to help my ego stay inflated. This will be important when I know that 30 minutes later I will resemble a sweaty, red faced, shaven llama.
So then I finally went running, like I do every day. Ok, 5 days out of the week. Today, to spice things up--for repetition is what kills a workout routine...slowly, enjoying every minute of it, like the sadistic serial killer that is it -- I ran up and down the road. Real creative, I know, but I tend to try to avoid the road or anywhere where people might see me. (In California this is almost everywhere)

But something must have made today different, otherwise I wouldn't have started out a blog with the sentence "today was like any other day." ...Or would I?

No, ok, I'm not that badass. I would. Today was different because I actually ran almost the entire time I was out. I travelled 2.25 miles, and I ran 2 of them! I only spent 3 of my 23 minute run walking.
This week marks my 6th week of training for the USMC mud run (71 days to go!) This is the longest commitment I have kept since I decided to re-watch all 7 seasons of Boy Meets World in the fall of 2010. That and going to art school (Whatever, no big deal.) Seriously, I am not a commitment person. I change my shirt 7 times a day. Every month I have a new life goal. I have never been into a fandom long enough to make creepy sexual fan art. Long term commitment has just never been one of my strong points. This is why I try to get everything done as fast as possible and switch schools every 2 years on average.
That being said, I have actually been working out long enough and steadily enough to see real improvement. This is an entirely new experience to me. I can't even remember the last time I ran more than 1 mile at a time. Middle school, maybe, before puberty and that whole "hips" thing happened. (I would say the "boobs" thing happened too, but I am still waiting on that one.)

Anyways, I am so amazed that I have actually improved in my running skills and it gives me more optimism than hidden gigabytes of porn on any man's computer. Seriously, if I can go from 1 to 2 miles in 6 weeks, think of where I could be by the end of the year. I could be like all those profiles I see on dailymile where they say "6.5 miles, 45 minutes. So much fun! I could have gone another 5, but I needed to go home and stare at my rock hard abs in the mirror and then get off on it! Here is a photo!"

But running hasn't been my only improvement either. Here is a list of all the physical improvements I have achieved in the past 6 weeks:
1. When I do planks for a whole 30 seconds, instead of looking at my watch at the halfway point to count down, now I can hold out at least 20 seconds in before I start wondering when the madness is going to be over.
2. When I flex my arm muscles for people, instead of laughing they just smirk. Politely.
3. I only start making grunting noises similar to that of Link's dialogue in any three-dimensional Zelda game on my 3rd set of pushups.
4. My freckles still being visible in February is a testament to how much time I have spent outside. I also have the ever so faintest farmers tan. And by faintest I mean that I am probably making it up.
5. I can whip out 10 lb bicep curls like a boss.
6. I can see all of my toes, even when slouching and "letting it all hang out."
7. I can squat at the same rate and with the same ferocity I can eat popcorn. Which is actually a little scary when I think about it (to be fair though I have been doing squats pretty frequently since last May)
8. Sometimes my joints hurt a little when I run, like a real runner. (Right??)
9. I can run a quarter mile up (halfway) the 20% incline road before I stop. I really only do this as a safety precaution anyways, because if I didn't I would stumble and fall from exhaustion, and then I'd fall right into the street and get run over by a car. Know the dangers of running, folks, it is important.
10. I've only fallen on my ass going downhill once. And fortunately no one was around to see this.
11. My fastest approximate mile has been 8 minutes. Of course, all of this was downhill, which really only requires letting gravity propel me forward and just trying to keep my limbs from waving around too wildly so as to prevent myself from looking like I am on some ecstasy-induced rave-jog.
12. I have gotten so extremely talented at blocking out the sound of my own pained panting and heavy footfalls that my mind actually reaches a level of processing so low that I am pretty sure I might actually be unconscious while jogging.

And there ya go. I'm shaping up quite nicely, don't you think? It won't be long before I am ready for that mud run. Watch out world, super fit badass lady is on her way.

1 comment:

  1. Phenomenally well written! Very enjoyable. I am now stalking your blog. You have been warned.