Thursday, November 22, 2012

Things I am thankful for, Sexless and Cynical style

Here at Sexless and Cynical, we would like to acknowledge the day of celebrating that involves stuffing your face until you want to puke. We think it is the best holiday ever conceived of and participate in it most joyously. 

The catch is, in exchange for eating your bodyweight in rich, heavy foods, one is meant to show thanks and be grateful for all the things in their life. Our glorious and most cherished founder, Meri Moose Gooey Boogers, would like to share all of these things with you now. She would also like to say that she remembers to be thankful for these things every day anyway, but this is just a list she will now voice for your reading pleasure and also so she can jump on board with the holiday spirit.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Please remember safe eating and use your condiments. 

Things I am thankful for, Sexless and Cynical style: 


-Cooking as an excuse to "taste test" food. Over and over again. 

-Shiny, metal poles that are sturdy enough to spin and hang around on upside while contorting my body in various positions, whether they be chrome or brass or any other material.

-Long, colorful silk fabrics that descend from the heavens for me to play on--or rather, flail around like a drunken monkey on. 

-A strong, healthy body. I refer to both myself and any strong, healthy body that belongs to an attractive man in his 20s or 30s. 

-Big, long geographical formations known as hill or mountains that I can conquer to show life "what's up"

-Comedic television, webshows, and movies that help mask the harshness and pain of reality. Er, I mean, life is great and totally awesome all the time. Yea! 

-Female butts and boobs. Seriously, I am not even really gay, but I do greatly appreciate the beauty of female anatomy. Like seriously. It's amazing. 

-Running clothes and accessories that make me look legit and not as much like the awkward, flailing, crazy person I actually look like when I run.


-Having zero dollars in my bank account for the first time ever, only to remember that I had a summer job and thus still have a bank account full of money to pay for all my crazy fitness addictions

-Being a completely socially inept and awkward female, thus attracting zero men and being able to spend all my time on energy on the most important thing in the world: myself

-Boy cooties that remind me that boys are dumb and having a vagina is awesome 

-Bruises upon bruises upon bruises. They are badges of honor and serve as a testament to how hard I work.

-Sore muscles as an excuse to not get up out of your chair. Also because they mean I'll be stronger tomorrow

-Having a beautiful, flawless face that I don't have to put any make-up on, ever, because it's already so perfect. (That is totally why I don't wear make-up)

-Dogs and cats, as they will one day be all I have in this world as an old and lonely spinster. They will be there for me to tease and make fun of without any repercussions--I mean, they will be good company and true loyal companions. 

-Words so that I can express myself and bore dozens of people on the internet with. 

-Did I mention food? 

-Oh yea and family and friends that love and support me through anything in every way who allow me to have the opportunities that so many don't get to have and blah blah blah all that. 

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