You probably thought I was kidding last week when I said I was going to start accepting applications for the position of boyfriend in my life....But you were wrong.
Yes friends, I have indeed found it rather difficult to go about building a boyfriend for myself. (Although my mother DID buy me legos for the birthday...yes, I am now 20 and still getting legos as gifts. Welcome to adulthood!) Anyways, I have created a completely fool proof application for anyone interested in dating me (and I know there are SO many of you!) to fill out and submit.
This way, guys can come to me and be very straightforward when showing interest in my amazingness and won't have to ask stupid questions while pretending to be all casual about it. "Hey so...do you like to have wild and crazy sex?" Yea, real smooth boys, real smooth. Also, with all of my ingenious and carefully concocted personality questions, it will streamline my ability to decide who and who isn't worthy. Like when you meet someone and they seem pretty cool but then two weeks later they say something like "Eh, I don't really care for Tina Fey or any of her work," or "Oh, yea, I never use a condom," or worse, "I don't think Rick Santorum would be a terrible thing for this country." Granted, none of these questions are on my application (although maybe they should be...hmmm...) but you get the idea. I can avoid countless awkward moments of "Oh wait, you are a douche. Never mind then."
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not desperate. Deprived maybe, but not desperate. Mostly, I'm just bored. I really want to see what I can get back from this.
In fact, I encourage all of my readers to fill out the application and send it back, just so I can test how well it is working. Boy or girl, all are welcome! I promise you'll have a good time doing it. If you are cool anyways. Fill it out anonymously if you so desire. If I get really creative responses, I may devote a whole post to the creativity of other people (that'd be a first!) Wouldn't you feel special if you said something funny and it was on a blog? I know I do every day!
So, waste no time:Click Here For the Application!
1. Click the link
2. Go to file-->download in the google docs viewer
3. Fill out the pdf with the program of your choice (I for one, use preview on my Mac. To write things on a PDF in preview go to Tools-->Annotate-->Add text and then you can start typing wherever you click. And then you save it...somehow. I don't know! PDFs are confusing, ok!?!? I think exporting it saved it? I just figured out how to type on them today, ok?? Go and google this part, I'm sure the internet can help you better than I can....or I guess you could print it, fill it out, and scan it back in the old fashioned way, you weirdo)
4. Send back the saved version to firstname.lastname@example.org. Yes, I made a new email just for this. I am so legit, like a contest or a professional or something.
5. Wait for us to get back to you. If you don't hear from us within 3-50 business days, you have been deemed not cool enough for me. The end.
Here it is, one more time:
Application to date the most awesome person you know. Or at least the most awesome person who writes a blog you read on the internet...if that made any sense. Whatever. The point is I'm awesome. And this is a link. So you should click it.