Actually... this is a lie. I first wrote the draft for this post about a year and a half ago. It was originally about just the men of my California art school, but I just now decided to revisit and revise it to include all men of art school. But only in lieu of life changes!
I don't mean for any of this to sound prejudiced, sexist, or stereotyped. I can honestly say I have met multiple people like all of these folks during my time in art school and while there are always people who don't fit into the mold, you can probably expect most of your male classmates in art school to fit into one of these categories. All pictorial representations are based on conglomerates of people I have encountered.
So, without any further ado, I present to you...
The 7 Men of Art School
#1 Mr. Gauged Ears
Particularly popular in the Colorado region, these types populate much of the illustration and fine arts programs. I personally am not sure why this look is so popular among artists. Maybe it helps them hear their art better? Are they good for holding paintbrushes? Maybe they like to take their earrings out and use their limp, noodle-y cartilage to make abstract art. Who knows. They typically also sport a multitude of tattoos to go along with their really fucked up ears. These make them look kind of sexy until you notice one of their tattoos is an LA Lakers logo inked straight onto the front of their forearm. Yea buddy, you won't regret that one when they lose the playoffs next season.
|If this hasn't happened yet, I dibs this idea.|
#2 Mr. Going Back to School
This one catches me by surprise every time. By his calm stature and out of fashion North Face sweatshirt, you can't tell if he is one of your fathers co-workers, your classmate, or both. He likes to make references to his wife and/or children, which frankly just bums you out. Because people who go to art school are obviously people who don't like to think about the realities of the future. No one wants to be reminded that one day they'll most likely have to give up art for a practical job in order to provide for their family. Lame. Anyway, Mr. Going Back to School sits out on all the "fun" extracurriculars most of the time (if you can call it that) and he is either really unskilled at art and you have no idea what he is doing here OR he is the best artist you've ever seen and you hate him.
|The reason this picture is so bad is because photoshop crashed right after I originally drew it and then I yelled at a Jewish Rabbi on my screen and collapsed in a heap for 20 minutes before I came back to redraw it.|
#3 Mr. Teacher
I'd be lying if I said that the male teachers didn't make up a significant portion of the male interaction you get in art school. I would also be lying if I said I never had a wild, hot crush on one of my teachers. Because let me tell you, some of them are really cute. Oh boy...My english comp teacher freshman year...Woo! He was quite the looker. You can bet I blushed when he introduced me as his "star student"...to his girlfriend. Ugh. Figures.
Hey, there aren't a lot of options in art school, ok? He was only like, 30. Geez.
The rest are super old (aka 40s and up) and kind of curmudgeon-y, but almost all of them have really good advice and offer decent guidance through the messed up art school world. Some of my favorite teachers have been men! Can you believe it?
#4 Mr. Tiny Asian Guy
Really, I am not being racist here. There is just something about art school man. Canada had a staggering Asian population and there were tiny asian guys aplenty there, at least three or four in my regular class group of 25. I even dated one of them. Fortunately I don't have any other rash generalizations about tiny asian guy other than the fact that, I dunno, he is asian? Sometimes he is actually from Asia and sometimes he was born in North America. I sat next to one in a history class once and he talked to himself in a really stilted-accent the whole time and drove me crazy. That is about all I have to say about that because if I try to go on any further I will just come off looking really racist. I promise though, if you go to art school, you will meet at least a few.
#5 Mr. Socially Awkward
Oh boy do these run rampant in animation programs everywhere! Sometimes they are really sweet, kind-hearted people that you could kill you with niceness and/or total boringness. And sometimes they are just really, really weird and repel other humans like hairdryers repel cats. Mr. Socially Awkward is always my most and least favorite at the same time. He is so fascinating and yet...so awkward. Bless these folk. They are what makes art school so colorful and so uncomfortable. I'd also rope in most of the geeks into this category. I don't think being a geek gets its own section in art school, because it is basically a requirement to be a geek in art school.
#6 Mr. Gay
You cannot forget our favorite art student. Sometimes Mr. Gay is so flamingly gay that he could not shriek it any louder in your ears, probably because he already is. We get it, you like Prada and dicks, ok? Sometimes Mr. Gay is a little more subtle and has you constantly wondering "is he?" and whether or not you are crushing on the wood. (Barking up the wrong tree...get it!??) Again, there aren't a lot of generalizations here and sure, there are gay people in other colleges of the world, but I am just saying. Go to art school, meet gay boys. It happens.
#7 Mr. Guy
I am making this category for all the rest. Sometimes, there are people you meet that just don't have any weird little niche on the social spectrum. They are just...guys. Nice guys, usually. So. darn. Nice. He is quiet and polite and he never does or says anything ridiculous or rude or mildly entertaining. He is like a phenomenon of normal-ness. This is the kind of guy you know you should marry and buy a golden retriever and have two lovely children with and name them Megan and Trevor. But you don't actually want to because it would be about as exciting as marrying drywall. If drywall had a job and brought in no more than 60 grand a year.
So, if you were ever wondering--as you surely were-- "Meri, how come you never met and/or dated a really cool, hot artist guys in college? Aren't creative people like, totally sexy?"
Well, first of all, yes, in theory, they are. Second, art college is made up of at least 66% women, oftentimes more. Most of my classes would have three or four men tops. Third, this list is why. Creative people are weird and more importantly, mentally and emotionally unavailable, as a lot of them are pretty much married to their art already. Unless you are ready to jump into their weird little art world where who the fuck knows what goes on, possibly freaky sex stuff with cartoon characters, they are not going to pay you much attention. I can't say that I am the person who likes to go into weird little art worlds. They're kind of scary. I still have some really traumatizing memories in regards to King Candy of Wreck It Ralph from some close brushes with weird little art worlds. Let's not talk about it.
And not to mention the fact that at least 80% of the guys I've met in art school are also unavailable in the traditional sense of the word as well. I guess most women just beat me to the punch?
THE JOKE'S ON THEM, SUCKAS.
They can have all the King Candy three-ways they want. I'll pass.