Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Life Lessons From Wise, Old... Fitness Classes?

Yesterday, I went against my better judgement and posted a video of me practicing GoGo dancing to my youtube and tumblr account (see the end of this post for the video). I am not quite sure why I made it. I guess it was because last week I went to a GoGo outfit making workshop. The dance studio I attend classes at is planning a GoGo showcase night later in October, and I will unfortunately be in California for the occasion and won't be able to show off my fantastic outfit or all the skills I have picked up in all these weeks. So maybe I just wanted my own chance to demonstrate all that. Or maybe I was just fishing for compliments on my dancing. Either way, I got both and it made me happy. (Can you believe people out there think I move like a natural? Neither can I! Teehee)

Anyway, the idea of being able to share what I have learned in all the classes I have devoted myself to this summer seemed more appealing the more I thought about it. After all, I have worked very hard. And I want to be able to brag and feel superior and all that. As I have said several times in the past few weeks, all I did this summer was work, sleep, eat, and dance. I can show off all my pole moves in photos, videos, or posts on my pole blog, but I have taken more than just pole dancing classes this summer. I have gotten a little addicted to various fitness classes, including GoGo dancing, body sculpt (a strength and conditioning class designed specifically for pole dancers), and parkour. Of course, none of them have made me fall as madly in love with them as pole dancing has, but I have enjoyed each and every one. Particularly GoGo, possibly because it's like stress free dance that could potentially lead to employment one day if I ever got good enough. What's that? Money for doing fun things? Yes please. (We'll see).

As I said before, I want to be able to share what I have learned. And while I may get to be able to show off some dance moves, there is so much more that I have to offer! These classes have taken me a long way in terms of my body and personal strength this summer, in more ways than one. I guess you can say I have learned sort lessons from all the different classes. And so now, I present them to you here, so that you can maybe learn from them without having to do all the work I did. Although you probably won't really get the same effect without all the work. So if you were hoping for an easy way out, sorry. But this is kind of like a cheat sheet, I guess? Ok, here it finally is:

8 Life Lessons from GoGo: 
1.When in doubt, just body roll. It hypnotizes people.
2. Alternatively when in doubt, turn your back on everyone and everything. They'll be too distracted by your fabulous booty to care what you are doing.
3. If you keep doing robot arms no one questions your legitimacy.
4. If you are going to go down to your knees, you better be prepared and know what you are doing ;)
5. Shoes make or break everything about your performance. (Including ankles, so be careful)
6. A sparkly bra always makes things better.
7. Put your game face on and remember to have fun, and you basically can't go wrong.
8. After a few classes, you are no longer allowed to dance in normal settings anymore. It's just too much for people.

8 Life Lessons from Body Sculpt:
1. It doesn't matter how flexible you actually are. If you still feel the fear of letting your toes touch the ground behind your head, they are not going to make it.
2. The important part of standing on your own head is just getting your butt to the wall/pole. Your entire butt, that is important. Once you get that down, you can let instinct do the rest.
3. You can do push-ups like a man. They have been lying to us the whole time! Damn you, society. Quick, let all the people know before they brainwash us back into thinking women have to do them on their knees again!
4. Resting in child's pose is for...uh...children. Rest in high plank like the grown-up you are!
5. Disregard all previous things you hate. Hip flexors are your true greatest enemy.
6. Every bit of your body counts, even the little bits, like the toes. Actually, especially the toes. The toes are freaking connected to everything. So treat those little guys well.
7. In just a short amount of time, with enough hard work, you can go from someone having to push your ass as you climb to be able to do the full 14 feet all on your own like cake. ...Except no cake. That isn't very good for you. That probably won't help. Don't eat cake. Well, ok, eat a little. It is healthy to let yourself have things you want. But not too much. Because do you wanna get up that pole or not?
8. Just when you think you are starting to gain core strength, life will laugh in your face and taunt you with, "Abs? What abs?" and you will find yourself sweating and clenching and trying to not make diarrhea-like noises on the ground again in order to prove it wrong.

10 Life Lessons from Parkour:
1. If you feel yourself taking a dive, for the love of god tuck your chin in, squeeze your eyes shut, and try not to let the [rug]burn get to you. 
2. If you figure out how to fall correctly, you can roll over and run right out of it like you meant to do that. 
3. (When doing a kong vault) you must trust your body to make it. If you don't lift your hands and let it take the ride, you will land on your ass
4. There is an ideal height for every kind of jump. You won't always get your ideal height, but that doesn't mean you get to skip that vault. You must learn to adjust at a moments notice. Or you will eat ground. And ground isn't very tasty. 
5. Pulling your entire self up from under [the bar], particularly when never done before, takes time and patience. But it can be done... Eventually... I hope.
6. In the meantime, there are other shortcuts to get over these things. So no worries, if you don't have the brute strength, you can count on the rest of yourself to get you up. No excuses. 
7. You must utilize every part of your body to get where you want to go. Every. Damn. Bit. No matter how much it hurts.
8. No matter how in shape you are, the warm up is always gonna feel like a bitch. 
9. No matter how you are feeling, always tell your instructor you have had a good workout and you don't need the end of the class circuit workout. Seriously, just trust me on this one. 
10. Cats are fucking awesome. Everything cool is named after cats... cat leaps. Damn, I wish I was a cat. Then I could nap all day and just do awesome shit without having to train my butt off. If only...

So there you have it! Life lessons from various fitness classes. It only cost me a little over $600 in the past three months... I may be in need of financial consultation next. Do you think fitness classes can teach me that, too? Eh, it's better than a drug addiction. I am pretty sure. There are, of course many other classes I would like to take, such as aerial hoop/lyra, aerial silks, free running, break dancing, and so on. Perhaps one day I will get a chance to learn and share more from those. But I think I will need more money first. 

All those awkward drops and flailing confused arms are totally natural looking, am I right? 

As an end note, I would just like to say that I am feeling a lot better from my last post and things are starting to pick up for me again. Distractions have come to me in abundance. Thanks universe. Anyway, I now have a list of things I would like to blog about that I just can't keep up with! Hooray! So stay tuned for adventures in mountain climbing and the benefits of being single (yes there are benefits). I will also try to make more of my own drawings, if I have the time.


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